We went to the lactation consultant today and when they weighed Ada, she had AGAIN lost weight since the last time we were in. This came as a complete shock since for the last 4 days or so I thought that we had gotten into a good feeding routine and Ada was actually feeding well and acting content and happy after feedings instead of fussy and hungry. This whole thing has been a mystery for everyone, because she seems to have all the signs of a well fed baby...correct number of pee and poop diapers, being alert, acting content, etc. The lactation consultants decided that it must be my milk production and gave me the instructions of feeding her every 2 hours (calculating from start of feeding to start of feeding) and then pump for 10 to 15 minutes after feeding her, and supplement that pumped milk at the next feeding. All of this would give me roughly ONE whole hour in between feedings. My first thought was...How am i supposed to eat, sleep, take a shower, do laundry, cook, clean, basically do ANYTHING except feed the baby? Well, they were so concerned with her weight, that the LACTATION consultant actually gave her some formula when she was finished eating there. They also called her pediatrician to see what she wanted to do.
When we got home, the nurse from the pediatrician's office called and said that Dr. Colon wanted Ada to eat ONLY formula until Friday at 9:30 when we go in to weigh her again. They want to make sure that she is capable of gaining weight. So now we are feeding her 2 oz of formula every 3 hours. I have to pump every 3 hours to (i guess) keep my milk supply up.
I really hate this whole situation, because I really wanted to breastfeed. It's really hard knowing that you are doing everything humanly possible to provide for this little life and it's just not working out. However, in the 3 times that I have pumped in the last few hours, I have noticed that I am getting twice as much milk out of my left breast as my right one. Also, it seems to be richer and whiter...the right one's is more watery. This could have been the problem all along. My right breast just isn't performing. They also wanted me to start a medication that would increase my milk supply, but I see no need in taking that at the moment since we are just feeding her formula for the next 2 days.
My biggest concern with all of this is that I will find formula so convenient that I will not want to go back to breastfeeding. And why wouldn't I...formula takes 10 minutes to feed to her...breastfeeding, 40 minutes. Formula is every 3 hours...breastfeeding, every 2 (but really every hour...see above). With formula, I get to have my body back and feel like myself again...breastfeeding, I still belong to this little being as if I were still pregnant.
I feel like if I switch to formula, I am doing so out of pure, utter selfishness. I am saying "I don't care enough about you to give myself completely to you for your betterment...I would rather do what's most convenient for me." I know you are all going to tell me that I'm being ridiculous, but that's how I feel...and please don't think that I think that way of every mom who switches to formula, because I don't. I am a big advocate of do what's best for YOU and the baby will be fine on formula. However, I guess it's different when it's my baby and my feelings.
I really don't know what to do. Every time I even think about giving her formula from here on out, I start to cry. However, I just don't see how I can keep breastfeeding and not knowing whether she is gaining or losing weight...I mean, will we have to continue to go to the doctor 3 times a week the whole time I am breastfeeding?
Ugh...just pray that I make the right decision and that whatever that may be, I make peace with it.
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It is hard and ultimately, you have to make peace with whatever decision that you make. People who have "been here and done this" can support you and tell you that all the crazy things that you feel are "normal," but you have to settle it within yourself. Breast feeding is difficult and it seems as though you're having a very rough time of it and I wish I had magic words to make it all better, but I don't.
ReplyDeleteMommyhood is full of things that no baby book can prepare you for and no matter how many people have tons of helpful (or not so helpful) advice, this trip is different for everyone. What works for one kid doesn't work for another. I'm sure you could ask your Mom about all the differences between you and Christopher and you'd get a laundry list like I would about me and Adam.
You have to go with your own instinct and that is hard as crap because there are so many nagging little questions that run through your head. You'll figure this out and then be ready to deal with the next challenge and then one day you'll look back and go "wow, how did I ever survive that o_O."
Be yourself, Stephanie. It's somethin' you've always been good at, and it will help you find your way being Ada's Mommy, too.
Just know that you've been on my mind a lot lately and if you need anything that I can help with, let me know.
Hey. I have a friend who went thru this EXACT same thing just 3 months ago! I am going to see if she will email you, or contact you on FB. Her daughter was not gaining weight on BM either.
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm mrsstrickland's friend. My email is Ryptyd1999@aol.com. I'm seriously still going through this exact thing with my daughter. Just to let you know she WILL go back to breast after having a bottle! My Molly had to go straight to formula for 5 days!! It was extrememly rough, but I pumped and we made it through, I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind. Email me and I'll tell ya more about it! BTW, she's 4 months old now and still not gaining, but she's exceeding all her milestones.....she's in the 13th percentile for weight, only 11lbs 14oz, after being born at 9lbs 8oz! :-)
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