One Ada smile helps get me through my day...

That's all I wanted to say.

One Month Old!

***UPDATE*** - a few of my favorite pictures by dreamworks photography!

Ada was one month old yesterday. We didn't have time to post a blog. We went to have professional pictures done. It was so much fun, and we found out the Ada LOVES the camera! She stayed awake the whole time and was quite the little model. Robert and I swear we caught her posing several times. I was a little disappointed that we couldn't get any sleeping baby shots, but she just didn't want to miss anything I guess. I will try to post a couple of pictures tonight of my own. The pro ones won't be ready to view for about a week. I can't wait to see them. Thanks to Mike and Rhonda of Dreamworks Photography. Check em out... www.dreamworksphotographyonline.com

We gave Ada her first "real" bath today. She screamed at first and then started to like it. Then she screamed again cause she was getting cold. Oh my GOD, she smells sooooo good. I had to crop out the parts that would embarrass her as a teenager...I kept the real copies for myself, though. Blackmail material...ya know.

Growing...Growing...Gone...

And so...we are now on formula full time!

We took Ada back to the pediatrician (henceforth known as Ped or Dr. Colon [read Cologne] to keep me from having to type pediatrician 900 times) on Friday and she had gained 5 ounces! So Robert and I made the decision to keep her on formula full time. And what did I do when I saw that she had gained weight? Did I leap for joy...nope, I cried like a baby because I knew that I would be giving up nursing her. It broke my heart, but it was and is the right decision for us. There was no way I was going back to breastfeeding and then in a week go back in for a weight check. If she had lost weight again, I would have truly lost my mind. So, tomorrow will mark one week of feeding her formula. It has been going really well and we have been able to get into a better routine. She has less tummy problems now, and Robert and I can share the feeding responsibilities. I feel a lot less stressed...mostly because I have made peace with our decision to keep her on formula. I would have been doing her a disservice by going back to nursing. Robert had to all but shake me to get me to understand that SHE WAS NOT GROWING when I was nursing, so it couldn't be the best thing for her. She weighed a whopping 7 lbs 2 ounces on Friday. She's still wasn't back to her birth weight, but may be now.

On another note, we took our first trip to Nina and Grandpa's on Saturday. We had a good time and Nina got to feed her (another up side to formula).

Today, we went to see Robert at work. I told Ada on the way over that she was going to meet all Daddy's nerdy little friends...lol. Of course, everyone doted on her and just thought she was the most beautiful thing. She stayed in her carseat the whole time. No one even asked to hold her, which was fine with me, since I didn't want everyone pawing all over her anyway. She'll get plenty of that on Thursday when I take her to my job...but at least I know those pawers. We also went out to lunch, and she slept the whole time. She's such a good baby!

I realize that we did not post 3 week pics, so here's some to hold you over til Thursday when she will be 4 weeks! I'm saving the "one month" term for when the 23rd rolls around. We hope to be getting professional pics soon and then I'll be sending out announcements.

Daddy is super cozy!

Feeding time with Nina.

Hanging out with Grandpa.

Tummy Time..."I'm gonna eat that dragonfly!"

This has been deemed "The Monkey Baby Picture." Check out those super long arms and fingers! And, oh, the poor child has mommy's ears...alas. This was taken before she started gaining weight. All the others were from this past weekend...You can really tell a difference in her face.

And so begins the slow, painful decision to switch to formula...

We went to the lactation consultant today and when they weighed Ada, she had AGAIN lost weight since the last time we were in. This came as a complete shock since for the last 4 days or so I thought that we had gotten into a good feeding routine and Ada was actually feeding well and acting content and happy after feedings instead of fussy and hungry. This whole thing has been a mystery for everyone, because she seems to have all the signs of a well fed baby...correct number of pee and poop diapers, being alert, acting content, etc. The lactation consultants decided that it must be my milk production and gave me the instructions of feeding her every 2 hours (calculating from start of feeding to start of feeding) and then pump for 10 to 15 minutes after feeding her, and supplement that pumped milk at the next feeding. All of this would give me roughly ONE whole hour in between feedings. My first thought was...How am i supposed to eat, sleep, take a shower, do laundry, cook, clean, basically do ANYTHING except feed the baby? Well, they were so concerned with her weight, that the LACTATION consultant actually gave her some formula when she was finished eating there. They also called her pediatrician to see what she wanted to do.

When we got home, the nurse from the pediatrician's office called and said that Dr. Colon wanted Ada to eat ONLY formula until Friday at 9:30 when we go in to weigh her again. They want to make sure that she is capable of gaining weight. So now we are feeding her 2 oz of formula every 3 hours. I have to pump every 3 hours to (i guess) keep my milk supply up.

I really hate this whole situation, because I really wanted to breastfeed. It's really hard knowing that you are doing everything humanly possible to provide for this little life and it's just not working out. However, in the 3 times that I have pumped in the last few hours, I have noticed that I am getting twice as much milk out of my left breast as my right one. Also, it seems to be richer and whiter...the right one's is more watery. This could have been the problem all along. My right breast just isn't performing. They also wanted me to start a medication that would increase my milk supply, but I see no need in taking that at the moment since we are just feeding her formula for the next 2 days.

My biggest concern with all of this is that I will find formula so convenient that I will not want to go back to breastfeeding. And why wouldn't I...formula takes 10 minutes to feed to her...breastfeeding, 40 minutes. Formula is every 3 hours...breastfeeding, every 2 (but really every hour...see above). With formula, I get to have my body back and feel like myself again...breastfeeding, I still belong to this little being as if I were still pregnant.

I feel like if I switch to formula, I am doing so out of pure, utter selfishness. I am saying "I don't care enough about you to give myself completely to you for your betterment...I would rather do what's most convenient for me." I know you are all going to tell me that I'm being ridiculous, but that's how I feel...and please don't think that I think that way of every mom who switches to formula, because I don't. I am a big advocate of do what's best for YOU and the baby will be fine on formula. However, I guess it's different when it's my baby and my feelings.

I really don't know what to do. Every time I even think about giving her formula from here on out, I start to cry. However, I just don't see how I can keep breastfeeding and not knowing whether she is gaining or losing weight...I mean, will we have to continue to go to the doctor 3 times a week the whole time I am breastfeeding?

Ugh...just pray that I make the right decision and that whatever that may be, I make peace with it.

Sunday...Funday

Today mom (Nina) came over and brought food! Enchilada casserole that we can eat off of for like a week. We gave the baby girl a little sponge bath...still can't give her a real bath because her belly button is still a little oozy. Ada was really quiet today which means that tonight is going to be not so quiet, I'm sure. She took a little nap with Nina, too. I like it when mom comes over, because I can grab the camera and start snapping away. Here's a couple from today.

Ada's Umbilical Cord Stub Just Fell Off...

And it looks like a little hard raisin. I thought about shoving it in a box of raisins and playing Russian Roulette with Stephanie. Whenever you feel the hard crunch, you lose.

2 Weeks...

Ada is 2 weeks old today! Here's some pics...

Breastfeeding Sucks...

So we took Ada back to the doctor today and she has not gained a single ounce since Monday. The pediatrician sent us to a lactation consultant at Kennestone. We met with her and she didn't seem to be able to put her finger on the problem. We bought a breast pump with the instructions to pump after every time I feed her and hopefully this will increase my milk supply. No one seems to be able to pinpoint the problem...the pediatrician seems to think that i need to increase my calorie intake to make my milk richer. I'll try that, but it's kinda hard to get into a routine when we have to spend half the day at the doctor's office every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Everyone always talks about breastfeeding being hard because of the sore nipples (which I don't have...yet), but the emotional toll that it takes on you is a much bigger problem. I have cried more in the last week and a half than I have ever cried in my life. Why isn't my baby gaining weight? Why does she eat for a HOUR and then immediately feel hungry again? Why does she scream for 30 minutes right after I feed her? Why is she having the correct number of poop and pee diapers, but doesn't seem to be getting enough nourishment? Why? Why? Why? I know it's frustrating for Robert to watch because he is basically helpless in this situation, but I have the added bonus of feeling like it's my fault, or that I am doing something wrong. I really want this breastfeeding thing to work out, but I really don't think there's anything else anyone can tell me that I haven't already heard. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing. Which obviously isn't working. Ugh...for something as "natural" as breastfeeding, this sure is difficult.

I went back to work today...

After taking baby Ada to the pediatrician. She still isn't gaining weight like we'd want, but she is on her way up. The doctor told us we could take her off the formula supplement, and sent a lactation nurse in to give us a few pointers on breast feeding. We go back to the doctor's on Wednesday to check her weight again.

As for work, it was good to start to get back into the swing of a routine. Stephanie did a good job today handling everything on her own for the first time.

So fresh and so clean...

Today was sponge bath day. I had been putting it off because I was nervous about doing it...I don't know why, it was actually pretty quick and easy. Plus, there's nothing like a squeaky clean baby! Ada did not appreciate being cold and wet, but she calmed down pretty quickly. Check out her awesome curly wet hair!









We had a great weekend overall. Last night we had our pals over and hung out just like old times. The boys played video games and the girls chatted and made dinner (not me, I was feeding the baby). It was comforting to know that we can have a baby and not have to forfeit "friend time." We don't have to be hermits just because we have a little one. I also got my kitchen cleaned for me...thanks Lisa! Ada was a little fussy tonight, I think her tummy is bothering her. We got some gas drops to give her, but I don't know that they are helping all that much. She just now fell asleep and I have to wake her up in about 45 minutes to feed her AGAIN! Robert and I have to be up early tomorrow to take her back to the doctor for a weigh in. She feels heavier to me, so cross your fingers that she has gained a bunch of weight and we can stop supplementing with formula.